I haven’t logged onto this blog or posted for weeks, so I want to apologize for that. Life has been hectic lately, and there’s so much going on.
For the time being, my sister has moved up here to live with us. It’s a very weird dynamic having her, my dad, his girlfriend, and my boyfriend under the same roof. It’s very stifling at times and I’m constantly being pulled 100 different directions.
She was brought up here because of some issues she was having (lets be real, here; drugs) and now we’re trying to focus 100% of our energies in making sure she’s “doing good” and getting better.
As much I love her and want her to get the help she needs, it has really made me forget about myself; the healthy eating has stopped. The trips to Taco Bell or Subway are daily, as are the trips to get ice cream after dinner. When I’m not working I’m sitting on the couch with her, trying to occupy her and be a ‘positive’ influence.
This is having an adverse effect on the relationship with my boyfriend. Our relationship sucks, let’s just throw it out there. But now with another person in the house, he’s constantly telling me I don’t spend time with him and is not understanding of the fact I have a family member dealing with heavy issues. And we never did anything together anyway, so I don’t see the issue. Now he has an attitude 85% of the time or just locks himself upstairs with his Xbox, and my sister has been making comments about him and how horrible and strange and sucky our relationship is. I don’t disagree.
I took one of those “Is your relationship headed for a breakup?” quiz online and holy-shit got like all the bad answers. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped in this relationship, and sort of trapped in my mind. I love him but I’m one of those “love isn’t enough” people. Just as stated before, our relationship sucks. I’m not expecting romance, flowers, weekly dates, love poems, or anything like that. I just want to talk, share hopes and dreams, hug, kiss, feel like someone isn’t using me and just wants me.
Life has been normal. Average. Boring. Life has been the stuff listed above, and worse. I’m constantly feeling like I need to be out doing something bigger, better. My job seems like such a dead-end and a waste of time considering I don’t want to be in retail for the rest of my life. After having my review at work (which was glowing), my dad has been encouraging me to stay there in the hopes I get a manager or supervisor position, but I really, really don’t want to. I just hate it that much.
And I want to move. And experience new things. And live in my own apartment. Make more money. Make new friends. Have cocktails with friends and go dancing afterward. My life feels like its at a standstill and I’m just working this horrible job and living this mundane life. But I’m sure these feelings are normal for recent college grads.
I posted a while back about my friend doing HCG diet, and let me tell you, she has already lost 50 lbs. In 4 months. And looks amazing. And I’m jealous.
I haven’t lost anything in probably a month. I actually gained two pounds. I’m not completely upset over this but it’s disheartening. Something needs to change for the better and I need to get re-committed to the weight-loss life.
As states before, this is due to laziness. I’ve stopped preparing my meals for work, and find it faster, easier, and more convenient to just stop and grab fast food or coffee.
Isn’t that how every obese persons story starts out: “I’m too lazy to do this, too tired to do that.” Just too many damn excuses.
I know I sound so negative, and like I believe my life is horrible; it’s not. I actually have a wonderful life, it’s just filled with mundane problems that I complain about here because this stands as my online diary. #sorrynotsorry
Now I shall get back to work and continue to dream up the career I wish I had. As you were.